I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Ketchup is God's man juice
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
