lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
