Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she peed on how many people?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
