I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Two words: blizzard sex
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize