Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
