She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
