Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
