no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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