Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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