I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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