I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
