my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
