Banned from zoo.
Again?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My legs feel like baby dolphins
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
