He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
