So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
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