so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
