boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
