She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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