Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
