At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You are the jesus of drinking
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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