I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
