i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
