I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
