Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We are all done wearing pants today
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
