i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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