i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
