She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
