I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
