what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
