we have pet lesbian snakes
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize