Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
