I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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