I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
