I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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