did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
