So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Vodka?
Forever.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just pee around me
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
