do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
