i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
