I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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