he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
