i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
