so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
