i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
