I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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