"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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