i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
