Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
