She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
