We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
