She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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