me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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