I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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