Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
