No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
