can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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