Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
