Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
