I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
