Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
