I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with youâ€
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