Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
