My nipple is on Facebook.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
