Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
