How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
