when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
