I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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