okay pat passed out under dana's car
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
