He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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