Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
vagina is talking i cant
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Drunk is not a location!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
