In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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