I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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